Choosing The Right Surfboard

The 10 most common mistakes when buying a new board, and how to avoid making them.

For a new lease on your surfing life, there's nothing quite like a new stick. At those low times when you've had shocker after shocker, and you're sure you're on your way downhill, a new board can remind you taht you've still got it. It'll mean the difference between, "I'm out there!" and "Fuck it" on those take-it-or-leave-it days of marginal surf. But read warily; pitfalls lay ahead for those who don't stay on their toes...




1.  Insufficient Buoyancy
No float, no paddle.  No paddle, no wave.  No wave, no fun.  Don't get sucked into the Magic Slipper Syndrome.  The whole surfing world learned a lesson when Kelly burst on the to the scene 15-odd years ago and made everyone else look old and slow.  His boards at the time were a paradigm shift that some still struggle with.  They were so thin and narrow, and he rode them with such speed and flow, that thousands of mere mortals who attempted to jump onto that train crashed and burned horribly.  Even now, there is a big difference between what most pros can handle and what the rest of us can.  There's more to it than even ability though.  Unless you have the time to surf every day, you'll need more flotation to allow for your lesser fitness level.  Don't feel intimidated by the catcalls of your dopey peer group - keep your paddle power up and catch waves.

2.  Too Long
When you go after a new board, a really critical thing to keep in mind is application; where will you be mainly riding it?  Don't fall for getting a really sleek looking pintail if you'll be surfing chunky, junky wind swell in Port Phillip Bay.  From Collaroy?  You won't need a 7'6" there, son.  Always visualise where you'll be using the board for your bread and butter surfs, and let that dictate your decision.  Unless your home break is Sunset Beach or somewhere consistently solid, a gun shouldn't ever be the first board in your quiver.

3.  Too Short
If your local is a heaving South Coast ledge, don't get a flat, fat fish.  It's horses for courses, so keep your eyes open and check out what the best surfers are riding in your local area - but in doing this don't fall into the Kelly trap outlined above in #1.

4.  Too Light
If you usually ride reasonably gnarly surf, you should probably think about beefing up your board structurally.  Maybe a thicker stringer than usual, or an extra layer of glass.  A super-light board might not last too long under these conditions, and in fact may not even perform as well - consider the extreme end of this argument, where tow-in boards actually have lead weights added, just to keep them in the water when hitting supersonic speeds.

5.  Too Heavy
If your standard go out is in soft beachbreaks or playful peaks, you won't want to find yourself slugging away on a Kon Tiki-style slab of lumber.  Too much weight will render your vehicle as insensitive as your average sociopath, and who'd want to ride one of them (apart from those crazed prisoner groupie chicks)?  You need something you can throw around a bit if the waves lack any real power.

6.  Because He Rides It
Why buy a board because some surf hero rides it?  In all likelihood, you'll never surf like him (no offence).  It's just an endorsement trap, so forget about the whole thing.  Ride your own way on your own stick.

7.  Wrong Shaper
It's best to stick with a shaper who's experienced in making shapes suited for your local conditions, or at least similar.  You wouldn't get a Bushman or a Rawson for surfing Curl Curl or Triggs, unless you were a bit of a flip.  Many top-line pros will order boards from local shapers all over the world, because they realise these guys know what works in Rio or Reunion or Red Sands.  Particularly in Hawaii, most pros will use local shapers.  Heed their example.

8.  Cool Spray
Here's one of the great moronic reasons for buying a particular board.  It sounds ridiculous, but it happens.  Whenever I find out that someone has bought a board because of a cool spray design, I track them down and begin a systematic and calculated campaign of harassment and terror, spraying their car, their house and their spouse with the most garish fluoro colours I can find.  It ends only when the culprit has finally given up surfing and taken a job in Timbuktoo.

9.  Listening to Clueless Salesmen
If the guy selling you your board isn't a tuned-in surfer who cares, you may end up getting talked into something totally unsuitable.  Unless you are a rank beginner (in which case you probably should have some sort of guide with you anyway) you should just ignore these people.  If they persist, accidentally knock over some boards, and while they fuss and fret over this, run away.

10.  Don't Settle for Less Than Best
If you simply can't find what you want, or nothing really grabs you from off the rack selections, you should custom order a board.  Ideally you would have a surf with the shaper, who could then nail down something perfect for you based on your level.  This isn't usually practical however, so try to be as honest as possible with him when ordering it.  If you're shithouse, say to the shaper:  "I'm shithouse."  He'll probably laugh at you, but your board will be better for it.  Try to order the exact opposite of the colour you'd like, since board makers tend to diametrically fuck up their customers' spray requests.  This phenomenon is due to paint fume inhalation over long periods.  It's a pretty endearing trait, really, and who doesn't like surprises?